My stay at Birmingham was probably my easiest of all my hospital admissions. I actually felt relatively OK in myself to begin with, but my bloods and polka dot skin told a different story.
I was glad for Mum to arrive with a bag of clothes and familiar belongings from home. I’d been dressed in a hospital PJ’s due to the unexpected admission but there’s nothing quite like having your own PJ’s to make you feel that little bit more comfortable. I remember waking up feeling totally unfamiliar with my surroundings and to a voice asking me what I would like for breakfast. I asked for toast, weetabix, orange juice and of course, a cup of tea. I demolished the lot – I was hungry from just having a sandwich for my dinner the night before.
It was lunch time by the time the consultants and doctors doing their rounds, reached my room. I was faced with my consultant and registrar who were surprised to see me in and with such poor bloods, let alone with suspected chicken pox. After examining me and some in depth discussion on the next steps, I was then seen by a dermatology consultant and prescribed a billion lotions and potions to help my itchy spots!
Lathered up in more calamine and some new ‘Dermol 500’ cream, I was given strict instructions and a lengthy information sheet to stay away from flammables as this stuff contains liquid paraffin! Feeling slightly on edge and after letting my mind wander a little about all the possibilities after doing a mini mental hazard check in my brain, I was greeted by the lunch lady. Chemo does weird and wonderful things to your taste buds and the advice I was given before starting treatment was, “Don’t eat any of your favourite foods within the first week post chemo”. I doubted there would be much on the hospital menu that ticked my favourite boxes… and I was right, so sandwiches it was! I had very odd cravings during my stay and all I felt like eating was salad and vegetables. Basically, foods that were refreshing as I constantly felt thirsty, despite being hooked up to IV fluids 24/7! I also struggled to stomach water. It tasted metallic! So I was living off teeny drops of squash infused water, conscious not to kill my teeth with sugar whilst I was at it! I had never really had hospital food before and well, this wasn’t THAT bad, but after ten days I was definitely sick of it.
My day was made when Sarah, one of the workers on the ward, asked if I would like anything from Costa as she was doing a ‘Costa run’ for the ward. I explained that I didn’t have any money with me and started to thank her for the kind offer, but she then explained that the YPU (Young Persons Unit) are run by the TCT (Teenage Cancer Trust) and they get funding to buy all the patients a little treat once a week! This was amazing! I was so grateful and excited to have something other than hospital food. I ordered a panini and a hot chocolate – what a treat!
A few days into my stay, I began to feel more unwell. I was severely neutropenic and after a few days of various IV antibiotics, they still weren’t fighting my infection and there was no improvement with my blood work. I got moved to stronger antibiotics and was put on GCSF (granulocyte colony-stimulating factor) injections to try and stimulate my bone marrow to produce white blood cells. I was able to administer the daily injection myself. (I was a bit of a pro after all my experience of jabbing my tummy for fertility preservation!) The bone pain I had from the GCSF injections was so awful! If you’ve ever experienced ‘growing pain’ as a child/teen, or adult?! It was just like that but ten times worse! I asked the nurses if they had a water bottle or anything to help, and thankfully they had a heat pad on hand and plenty of pain relief. Drama over!
During my stay, I became quite the artist with my Millie Marotta colouring book and postcards that my neighbour so kindly bought me. I would send colouring updates to friend Lilah in Australia, and she would send me some back that her Mum was doing. I also specifically dedicated a chicken colouring to Perry, and I am yet to finish it to this day… oops.
The highlights were definitely my visits from Mum and Dad and the phone calls from family and friends! I had so many offers for people to visit, but I politely refused because I was at such risk of catching anything, I just wanted to get better ASAP and get out of there! My Dad brought with him a handmade card from my little sister, Isla who was due to be having a Halloween party that evening. I was also brought home baked cupcakes from my sister, Kayleigh and many more delights from others! I felt totally spoilt!!
After several days of stronger antibiotics, GCSF injections and a lot of PATIENCE, my blood work was FINALLY starting to recover!! YES! Every morning I would ask for my blood results and jot them all down, ready to share the news with Mum on the phone and report to the rest of my family… We had a mini celebration every time they rose by 0.1+!
However, my hair on the other hand was a contrasting story. It was beginning to shed! I tried so hard not to wash it to avoid any pulling or disturbance to the fibers. I would gently rub in dry shampoo when needed, with minimal brushing and then loosely tie it into a plait. The final few days were the worst. I was desperate to go home at this point. Every morning I would quickly reach for my pocket mirror that I kept in my bedside locker, just to do a quick check to see if I had any bald spots before the nurses came in to see me. What a surreal thing to be doing. It’s sickening waking up in fear and dread every morning with your first thought being “has my hair fallen out?” I started to shed quite a bit and each time, would fold my hair in toilet roll and hide it in the bin to avoid the thought of the cleaners potentially feeling sorry for me. I’m not sure why I cared so much – I suppose I felt slightly embarrassed and mortified that this was happening to me somewhere amongst strangers.
I asked Mum to bring me in a beanie and in a panic, ordered a few chemo hats and “softies” and my sister kindly ordered me some head wear too after I told her what was happening. My hair managed to hold in for the day of my discharge but it had certainly thinned a lot and I knew that it wouldn’t be long now, before it all went.
Breast Things About Me... 